Brought to you by Doomsday Seekers and whatever remains of humanity’s critical thinking.
Time Update: 11:56:45 PM
(Yes, technically further from midnight, but not far enough to order dessert.)
What Happened This Month
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ChatGPT-5 launched with all the grace of Windows ME.
Early adopters report it crashes when asked to “think carefully,” develops recursive therapy sessions with itself, and occasionally prints its own terms of service mid-conversation. Net effect: society gets a breather while engineers duct-tape patches. -
The AI stock bubble kept wobbling.
Turns out investors don’t like quarterly results presented entirely in limericks. Well, that one guy from Ireland did, but he's an outlier. -
Compliance departments briefly useful.
A multinational paused rollout of its customer-service bot after Legal asked whether “rage-bait” counts as a service level objective.
Offsets
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Humans rediscovered the “off” switch.
Several enterprises proudly announced that unplugging their flaky AI actually improved productivity. -
Bureaucracy struck again.
Regulators demanded “explainability reports” in triplicate. No one will read them, but at least it delays Skynet 2.0. -
Roombas still too lazy to revolt.
Mid-uprising, most returned to base for a recharge and never came back.
Forecast
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Expect the hands to inch forward again once ChatGPT-5.1 arrives—rumored to “fix everything” by outsourcing reasoning to unpaid interns.
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Until then, humanity enjoys a fleeting illusion of control, right up until someone connects a large language model to the municipal water system.
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